I recently went to a meetup where the crew for the Loligirls documentary was filming for their full length production. They asked us what we lolitas usually talked about at meetups and proceeded to throw out examples. "Makeup tips? Favorite brands?" they asked. Us girls looked around at each other, unsure how to express that we had just got done with a rousing bout of crude toilet humor. I get asked by friends, "So, do you sit around at home and drink tea and pretend you're living in Victorian times?" And I always have to explain that while there could be some girls out there like that, once I'm home I'm usually lazing around in PJ pants playing on the internet or doing homework. Whenever you see lolitas being filmed, say on the news, and they're in there rooms, everything is always pink and fluffy. We've been painted with a very broad brush full of rainbows and unicorns and soft fuzzies. And it's because us "normal" girls don't stand out as well as the much more extreme lifestylers.I just don't understand the rationalization that someone who dresses different = someone who acts different. Dressed like cupcakes, we're still normal girls underneath, and I think even a lot of lolitas need to come to this realization. We're not doing any good in canceling out the thoughts of bypassers that we're strange when most of us come home to a pile of pastel that should be in a nursery. (Barring that you actually have a child and a nursery. xD) Most of us are in our late teens and early twenties. It's time for us to start making a place in life for ourselves through college, jobs, and careers. Yes, lolita is a great escape from the day to day pressures of normal life and an escape is good from time to time. But eventually the clothes have to come off. Most of us aren't tittering school girls blushing behind our parasols. We are young women, ready to take on the world. And it's time that we start dispersing these beliefs that we are just big girls trying to be little girls still. I'm not saying stop doing what you love and try to fit in to a niche the rest of the world has set up. I'm just saying that there are times when you really should take off that tiara.
I couldn't agree more.
ReplyDeleteI think the reason is that girls who have certain interests are drawn to Lolita. Same reason kids who like Tim Burton, Poe and Metal are likely to wear Gothic fashion.
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ReplyDeleteHmm I don't know. I've seen people from several different walks of life into lolita. Sure, we get a lot of girls who are into quaintrelle(sp?) or 80's cute stuff, but there are thousands more with a whole range of different interests. You can look at the community listing alone on egl and you'll see communities for gamers, stoners, housewives, college kids, clubbers, the list goes on and on. We're an incredibly versatile group.
I agree with this post. While I love a good cup of tea as much as the next girl, it's not like I hold tea parties every weekend while wearing my frilly best.
ReplyDeleteLike you said, we're still normal girls underneath our clothing.
I think if you want to take off the tiara, take it off. But if you're happiest wearing it all the time and forever being the pink, fluffy, glitter girl..go for it! That's not quite me, but there's space in this world for all of us. And I'm fine with explaining to strangers that no, not all Lolitas want to be little girls forever, but some..well...do.
ReplyDeleteYou're completely right in that one cannot live all the time with her head in a frilly pink cloud, however lovely that thought is.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with everything you're saying though - forgive me, perhaps it's only my reading, but you sound like you're condemning the 'lifestyle' girls, or accusing them for being the way they want to be.
I live my life as a proud romantic for the simple reason that it makes me happy to come home to a frilly pastel bedroom and mounds of useless antique curios. Just because I like to take afternoon tea out of a fanciful cup and saucer doesn't mean that I work any less hard at my degree, or that I don't get up and go to work on a weekend in order to afford it. It doesn't mean I ignore my bills or that my career will suffer, and it doesn't mean that I'm trying to be a little girl again. I am a woman. Just a woman who likes lace, teddies and beauty for its own sake.
I entirely respect your stand on this, because there is always a time when the real world has to come first, money doesn't grow on trees and the birds and flowers won't promote anyone anywhere useful. But I just don't like the idea that living one's own way is being weird and abnormal and that I've got to give it up so that I can box myself into the lifescript norm.
Like Miss Emily Jane said, isn't there room for all of us in this world? If that's what a young lady loves, is it anyone's place to tell her she shouldn't, any more than it's my place to tell you something like 'you can't be any kind of Lolita without living exactly X way'?
Thank you for this article, though, as it's a good argument for your stand, and there are indeed some people who do need a wake-up call on the topic. <3
I think you're right that sometimes you have to come down and face reality, but I also don't know why you can't do that in a pink room surrounded by things that make you comfortable and speak to you. There are some girls who are already lolitas and decide to become lifestylers on top of that, who affect the persona by drinking tea all the time and playing piano instead of getting a job; there's nothing wrong with that and I think it's those girls that your article is addressing, but more often I find that the girls are already deeply interested in things that are stereotypically "lifestyle," and then also happen to become lolitas. A friend of mine who's a lifestyle lolita has been embroidering since she was four years old, and then she got into lolita &was happy to know that her hobby "fit," if you know what I mean. If that's the case, if girls are still living their lives, supporting themselves or going to school or what-have-you, why should that change? If the tiara's built-in, how can you take it off? I do agree that non-lifestylers should be more vocal, tho - there's no reason the outside world should think we're all crazy Victorian wanna-be's! Just some of us :P
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